Coping

Aidan is starting kindergarden this coming August…

I am having such a hard time dealing with it…

I don’t like that the boys are growing up and starting school…

For the past 4 (almost 5) years I have been a stay at home mom. Chris and I felt that that was best for us and our new little family. We didn’t want anyone beside us or family raising our boys, so home I stayed!

And now. I’m losing one of my sidekicks, and it’s killing me.

On the first level, I’m somewhat ok with it. I really, truly wanted to home school. But I received some very negative reactions when I came out and shared my desire to do so.

“He’s going to be weird.”

“He won’t have any friends.”

“He won’t ever learn social skills, people skills, coping skills”

You name it, it was said to me. By having people saying that, I began to doubt myself. “Maybe I won’t be a god teacher?”. That is what made me go with sending Aidan to a public school. I went to public school. So really, is it that bad? I liked it, I survived, I even loved my teachers!

But, when I was little, people didn’t walk into church and shoot people. Kids didn’t bring guns to school. A hot school lunch was eighty cents. I don’t think we could even afford to buy the kids hot lunch everyday now? In a way I guess thats good though? I probably would pack healthier stuff, and with way less byproduct too.

On the second level, I am panic ridden. What if someone comes in and starts shooting? That in itself sends me into panic mode, tears and hyperventilating.

On the third level, Once both kids are in school, I will have nothing. Nothing at all. I have no job, no current schooling, nothing… That is scary. What will I do? What do I want to do? What do I want to be?

When I had Aidan, it was “What do I do with this drooling, crying, poop-ball?” Then I had Liam and “How will I ever handle 2 kids, 16 months apart?” Now it’s “What am I going to do to do with myself once they are both in school?”.

My question for you Internet,

How do you coup with your kids growing up?

Showers

Silence

Sweet, sweet silence.

I feel like the only time I ever hear nothing, is when I have my head under the running water of the shower. And even then, I can only stay like that for about 45 seconds, because at some point I need to come out and take a breath.

But in reality, the time I spend with my head under that running water is my breath away from the world.

With my head under that running water, I see the ocean. I love the beach. It is my most favorite place to be!

With my head under that running water, I hear the waves crashing up on to the shore. I hear the “whoosh” of the under toe carrying the water back out to the fishes.

With my head under that running water, life is sunny, happy, my boys with me playing tag with the waves.

And then I come out to take a breath, and my kids are still here! Happy, playing in the dirt, begging for water to make mud pies!

Either way, life is pretty great!

(I took this photo, this past March while in New Port, CA)

Liam Said a Bad Word

Aidan: “Mama, Mi said a bad word.”

Me: “Li, did you say a bad word? What word did he use Aidan?”

Aidan: “Pee-head.”

Me: “Liam Robert… Did you say “Pee-head”?”

Liam: (With a huge smile on his face) shakes his head yes.

Saying a word like “pee-head” is a major offense in our house! I hate the words that mention anything you do in the bathroom…

The kids could drop the F bomb all they want and not get shunned, but mention the word “butt-hole” and I will put vinegar in their mouths in a blink of an eye.

My Little Spiderman, Liam

Today was a rough day. No rougher than most days around here, but I feel like the world crashed down for a little bit.

For about 6 or 7 weeks I have had many suspicions that my little Liam had Aspergers syndrome. He’s off, different, odd. Don’t get me wrong. I love that little Spiddy kid! But he never has been easy to love.

He cried all the time as a baby.

I MEAN CRIED.

All day long.

All night long.

He cried, cried, and then cried some more. When he wasn’t crying he was spitting up. Then he would get right back to all that crying he missed, while he spit up for 30 seconds.

I had taken him into see the Doctor this morning. He has some really dry patches of skin on his body and they needed to be looked at. While we were there Spiderman pulled a “Liam” (thats what we call it when Liam throws a fit for longer than 15 minutes).  Y’all, that kid screamed for a full hour at full volume. He would not let anyone touch him, look at him, I couldn’t even comfort him. Normally I’m the only one who can comfort him in times like that, but he didn’t even want me by him.

After the Doctor saw this episode, he started asking me things.
1) Does he act like this often? (are you effing kidding me… he does this multiple times a day)
2) How does he do with textures. (he doesn’t, I have to make sure everything is uber soft and has NO tags in them for his cloths, and food wise there is only about a handful of things he likes eating with out a fight)
3) Does he obsess over anything? (oh like Spiderman? YES!!! and he lines things up and rocks him self)
4) Does he talk? (duh, of course he does.)

There were a ton more, but with all the crying I’ve been doing, I can’t remember what else he asked.

I know that this isn’t a death sentence for him. He is healthy and alive and living. But to know my little man will always be labeled… Thats what kills me.

For more information about Aspergers Syndrome go to my friend GAP Baby! She is a friend I have had since elemtarty school, and has been great to me!

Betty White, Jay Z & Mr. Hudson=Best SNL!

Hands down this past Saturday was the best Saturday Night Live of this session!

Hosting was Betty White! Funniest and probably raunchiest old lady there is in hollywood! She was great! She seems so at ease in front of a camera! She told the SNL cast that “Nothing was off limits”, and that is what made it great!

Then there was the music! Music doesn’t impress me like it does others. I don’t have tons of music on my iTouch, lots of apps, not so much on music. Jay Z is one of the few rappers that I like! I actually more than like his music, I love it! Whatever he touches seems to turn to gold! His performance Saturday was nothing but AMAZING!!!

Here was is first set of songs:
http://www.youtube.com/v/1CfjmCvhZbk&hl=en_US&fs=1&


Here is the second song “forever Young” Featuring Mr. Hudson (Who I am now in love with, he is such a cutie pie!)
http://www.youtube.com/v/0fusDZNJDoM&hl=en_US&fs=1&


Here’s to Betty White for talking about her muffin!
http://www.youtube.com/v/EG10o8T-vrc&hl=en_US&fs=1&

On This Mother’s Day

I’m sitting on the couch right now in my jammies, typing, and semi watching “The Cat in the Hat”! Last night I stocked my pantry with some things that I know the boys love! 

I got chocolate, and powered donuts, fun-yums, Cheeto Twist, Chex-Mex and Capri Suns!

I know, I know… Not the healthiest stuff, I haven’t been buying snack type stuff and I felt that with Chris being gone and it just being the boys and I, I would make it a day about the things the kids enjoy!

My kids enjoy their snacks!

And their movies!

So, that’s what we ( I should say they. I’m being good, I had a banana and am sipping on ice water) are doing, snacking and watching movies! 

I love days like this!

Thank you Aidan for choosing me to be your Mama!

Thank you Liam for showing me what unconditional love is!

&

Happy Mother’s Day to my Mom and Mother in-law!

&

Happy Mother’s Day to all you Moms out there!

A Special Day, Mother’s Day

Your children are not your children.

They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.

They come through you but not from you,

And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,

For they have their own thoughts.

You may house their bodies but not their souls,

For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,

which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.

You may strive to be like them,

but seek not to make them like you.

For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children

as living arrows are sent forth.

The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,

and he bends you with his might

that his arrows may go swift and far.

Let your bending in the archer’s hand be for gladness;

For even as he loves the arrow that flies,

so he loves also the bow that is stable.

***Poem taken from GGC

Rules for Being a Human

1. You will receive a body. You may like it or hate it, but it’s yours to keep for the entire period.

2. You will learn lessons. You are enrolled in a full-time informal school called, “life.”

3. There are no mistakes, only lessons. Growth is a process of trial, error, and experimentation. The “failed” experiments are as much a part of the process as the experiments that ultimately “work.”

4. Lessons are repeated until they are learned. A lesson will be presented to you in various forms until you have learned it. When you have learned it, you can go on to the next lesson.

5. Learning lessons does not end. There’s no part of life that doesn’t contain its lessons. If you’re alive, that means there are still lessons to be learned.

6. “There” is no better a place than “here.” When your “there” has become a “here”, you will simply obtain another “there” that will again look better than “here.”

7. Other people are merely mirrors of you. You cannot love or hate something about another person unless it reflects to you something you love or hate about yourself.

8. What you make of your life is up to you. You have all the tools and resources you need. What you do with them is up to you. The choice is yours.

9. Your answers lie within you. The answers to life’s questions lie within you. All you need to do is look, listen, and trust.

10. You will forget all this.

Some of This a Little of That

Wow, I haven’t done a brain dump in a few months, I actually think the last one was before Christmas?

A ton of things have been going on with us! Chris got a new job with Learning & Development, within the company he was already working for. This is a move he has been wanting to take for a few years,  just the timing was never right. I am so very proud of him! He’s been with his company for 10 years now! It’s funny to think, “Wow, 10 years” seeing that he is only 26. It shows that if you start out at the very bottom as a peabody, you can work your way up, and have them pay for college!  It’s exciting to see him enjoying every second of his new job!

I have enrolled Aidan in school! He will start August 9th! I can’t believe that my baby boy is going to start kindergarden… I can still smell his sent from when he was a new born. That first day is going to be harder for me than it will be for him. He is going to go to the elementary school that I went to! It just feels like home, and they are a top performing school, so that is a GIANT plus!!! To top it off, his cousin and one of his friends will be starting with him at the same school!

Liam turned 3!!! Can you believe it? I can’t! Liam is still my baby-baby! He loves to be held tight, snuggled and cuddled! I couldn’t ask for a sweeter little lover than him! He also give me of the best little boys kisses ever! He is obsessed with Spiderman, I mean… We don’t go a day without watching one of the movies, we read spiderman comics, I make up “Spidy Stories” for him, you name it I know it about that red and blue man spider! Liam even has costumes that he wears. In public. He wears spiderman suits in public people… Nuff said there…

And Me…

Well, I’m a girl that makes up “Spidy Stories”, how do you think it’s going? Haha I’m enjoying life so much right now! I have 2 amazing little men, that are a blast to be around, tiring, yes, but fun none the less! I have been going Glee crazy!!!! I love that show! I DVR it and watch it every night ’till the new episode airs. Ya, it’s that bad! Chris watches it too. The writing is witty, it keeps your attention, you don’t have to really know the back story line to get what’s going on, and lets not forget about Mr. Schoester!!! That man is heavenly look at, and he can sh-sh-shake that booty!

Chris’ new job requires travel. So, while he is gone I’m pretty much a single mom. Yes, I have help. Skype is defiantly what keeps me sane, and it lets Chris and the boys interact while he is away! This experience has defiantly opened my eyes to how much my Mom did for my brother and I. And I don’t work… I give major, major props to the single, full time working, part (full) time school goer, mom, maid, nurse, chaffier, and keeper of the ice cream! I’m learning to take deep breaths sometimes!

Last weekend we celebrated “Our Earth Day”. We planted our summer veggie garden, Chris trimmed the tree, I raked and sprinkled grass seed, and the kids fought over the water hose. We’re bad we wasted water to entertain the kids, but hey, they watered the grass at the same time! On the actual Earth Day I took the boys to Target and we bought Avatar! Yes, I drove there… Yes, we used electricity to watch the movie, I made popcorn, and ran the A/C! Bad Earth Mama….. All kidding aside, Earth Day is my Favorite holiday! Well, my 2nd favorite, I really love my Birthday! Its a day all about me, so there is nothing about that to not like! And there is cake! I.LOVE.CAKE!!!

As you can see, we are really just rolling with the punches right now! Life is good, god is good, family is amazing and so are the friends I share it with! Also to you internet! Thank you for reading, listening and laughing with (at) me!

I Love Goldfishes, ‘Cause Their so Delicious

I want another tattoo so bad I can feel the burn!

I’ve been thinking that I wanted something that could define me in one word…

(This is not me…)

I know this will make my Mom smile…

Not the tattoo per-say, but the little gold fish guy!

I love Goldfishes!

They have been my favorite snack since I was a kid, and it still my first choice now!

Yum, a coke on the rocks and a few handfuls of goldfishes!

What more could I need to be happy?

Oh, and a good book!